Becoming, Writing Home: The Journey Towards Self for Community in Under the Udala Trees and the Binti Trilogy

Round 1

Reviewer 1 Report

Comments and Suggestions for Authors

This essay has strong potential. It provides an interesting study of two major African novels written in the Western world [Binti (by Nnedi Okarafor) and Under the Udala Trees (by Chinelo Okparanta)]. The author understands these works very well, and their emphases on African spiritual, Kemetan, non-heteronormative, and historical values is highly commendable. Likewise, the author's use of African-centered theory at the beginning of the paper is praiseworthy. I like how they deploy Maulana Karenga's and Carol-Boyce Davies's conceptions of African and/or Black identity into the early discussions.

 

However, this paper is not ready to be published. It needs to blend the ideas, theories, and scholarly quotations mentioned or discussed between pages 1 and 9 and blend them into the discussions of the two novels which start at about page 10. Also, the author needs to identify other scholarly works that relate to the theories and approaches they admire and draw from them short and strong quotations that can help them further analyze the two novels. As they stand, the discussions of the two novels from about pages 10 to 22 are unsupported by scholarly quotations. This problem needs to be resolved. Without such scholarly discussions, this essay becomes 22 pages of a reader's response to the two novels.

 

Moreover, after making the above changes, I urge the author to ask one of their experienced colleagues (maybe a full professor) to read the draft and offer feedback. Then, they can revise the essay. Next, the author can ask another colleague to read it and offer feedback. Afterward, they can revise the essay a second time and make sure it is clear before submitting a perfect revised copy to Genealogy. I will be willing to read that revised copy.

 

This paper will benefit a lot of scholars after it is properly revised and edited. Its focus on same-sex relationships in African literature gives it special importance. But it needs to be better written!

 

Please see the attachment. Thank you.

Comments for author File: Comments.pdf

Author Response

I agree to all feedback, and the edits have been made within the revised paper. 

Reviewer 2 Report

Comments and Suggestions for Authors

Review of Genealogy Article (geneaology-3121665)

 

Title: Becoming, Writing Home: The Journey Towards Self for Community in Under the Udala Trees and the Binti trilogy

 

Thank you to the author for an interesting and informative article. The paper aims to show how the books, Under the Udala Trees and the Binti series, portray the journey of being and becoming African women that counter traditional notions of their expected roles. The paper uses the lens of Igbo and Kemetan ways of understanding identity and as a result argues that the books preserve and promote African ways of knowing and existing. The strengths of the paper are that it uses some of the traditional Igbo and Kemetan framing of self-determination and identity on these books, likely not something that most literary scholars and those outside of the cultures of origin are familiar with. I am not in the field so I don’t know if this has been done before, but it does seem valuable that the paper is introducing new ways of thinking to the audience.

 

I would like to suggest some areas for improvement. For example, there is some unclear language/writing throughout that makes it a bit harder to follow the argument. There are also some gaps in the transitions from section to section so it seems to jump a bit. This, however, can likely be corrected with editing assistance. There are also some long quoted passages not from the main books being analyzed that could perhaps be paraphrased and cited to quicken the development of the argument in the beginning.

 

Some of the block quotes of the main texts examined could use more framing and analysis. For both books/series there is a lot of retelling the story, which is understandably necessary, but some of that space could be used for a bit more concise analysis tying it back to the prior literature/concepts.

 

I would also suggest building up the conclusion’s synthesis and comparison of both cases a bit more, perhaps this would require cutting some of the story retelling in the middle. This could alternatively be done within the body by incorporating the comparative analysis thematically (Chi leads…; Truth of Self; Becoming Self). This would then require less tying together in the conclusion.

I would also suggest explaining the methodology of close reading in literary analysis in just a little more detail for interdisciplinary readers.

 

Here are some specific comments about where things are unclear. I am not 100% sure if these are issues with the argumentation, evidence, or editing. Some of these may be resolved with editing, but I’m listing them here anyway by line number since they impact understanding. There are punctuation, word choice, tense, and other editing issues that I have not identified and should be corrected through copyediting.

 

97-8: This phrasing is confusing, as is the next material—should it be a new paragraph?

153-54: This sentence is awkward— is it examines Igbo literature?

221-24: Don't need these long quotes I don't think

254-56: Tense or phrasing

384-87: Some editing perhaps to make it easier to read

450-51: Some awkward phrasing/typos

464: Awkward phrasing

475-77: The word choice makes this sentence awkward, underscores rather than intensifies?

481-486: Awkward word usage

489: Repetitive and not sure about the transition

525-529: Long and awkward

669-673: Could use more framing or analysis.

698-700: Pronouns are unclear

727-730: These two lines are a little unclear/awkward

735: Use of sensory is confusing

756: Cite the year for DuBois

835: Word choice of conforming—at first read it was unclear. If that was the intent, perhaps a word or two to make the meaning more clear

844: The use of zinariya in the lower case is different from all other usages. Does it mean something specifically different from the alien race?

867,  877: The use of unlocked seems like a technical term from the book in the second usage. If so, there might need to be a little explanation. The first usage seems like a standard use of the word.

942: Becoming woman or becoming women? I don’t think this is a term of art in the singular from what I can tell in the rest of the manuscript. If it is, then define earlier.

956: And their opinion throws off the sentence’s meaning

 

 

 

 

 

Comments for author File: Comments.pdf

Comments on the Quality of English Language

There are some edits required to convey the strongest argument possible to keep the reader on task. Please see the review document for more details.

Author Response

I agree to all feedback, and the edits have been made within the revised paper.